Ad-Dressing of Cats

"The Ad-Dressing of Cats" is the final song of the musical, it is sung by Old Deuteronomy.

Context
After Grizabella leaves to begin her new life, Old Deuteronomy summarises for the audience, what we have seen and learned throughout the course of the show.

The song is spoken directly to the audience, with Old Deuteronomy explaining how to address a cat properly. While it is mostly sung solo by Old Deuteronomy, the ensemble echo him in key points. In the last verse, all Cats sing together as a finale hurrah for the audience. There is little choreography, with the ensemble standing and listening to Old Deuteronomy.

Lyrics
OLD DEUTERONOMY:

You've heard of several kinds of cat And my opinion now is that, You should need no interpreter To understand our character. You've learned enough to take the view, That Cats are very much like you. You seen us both at work and games. And learned about our proper names. Our habits, and our habitat. But how would you address a Cat?

So first your memory I'll jog, And say a cat is not a dog.

ENSEMBLE:

So first your memory I'll jog, And say a cat is not a dog.

OLD DEUTERONOMY:

With cats, some say, "One rule is true. Don't speak till you are spoken to." Myself, I do not hold with that. I say, "You should address a cat. But always keep in mind that he Resents familiarity." You bow, and taking off your hat, Address him in this form, "O Cat."

Before a cat will condescend to treat you as a trusted friend Some little token of esteem Is needed like, a dish of cream. And you might now and then supply Some caviar, or Strassburg pie. Some potted grouse, or salmon paste He's sure to have his personal taste. And so in time you'll reach your aim, and call him by his name!

ENSEMBLE:

A cat's entitled to expect, These evidences of respect. So this is this, and that is that, And there's how you address a cat!

OLD DEUTERONOMY AND ENSEMBLE:

A cat's entitled to expect, These evidences of respect. So this is this, and that is that, And there's how you address... A... CAT!!!!!!

Additional London Lyrics
The original London production had an additional verse that was cut from later productions.

OLD DEUTERONOMY:

Now Dogs pretend they like to fight, They often bark, more seldom bite. But yet a Dog is, on the whole, What you would call a simple soul. The usual Dog about the Town Is much inclined to play the clown, And far from showing too much pride Is frequently undignified. He's such an easy-going lout, He'll answer any hail or shout.

ENSEMBLE:

The usual Dog about the Town Is inclined to play the clown, Again I must remind you that A Dog's a Dog—A CAT'S A CAT.